How to Help a Kid with Performance Anxiety

KID lies on a living room couch, semi fetal.

MOM wears hard pants, ready to go to the show.

MOM: Hey, kiddo! You ready? You’re gonna be awesome!

KID: I’m gonna die. I can’t go.

MOM: Need to eat something?

KID: I’m sick! I’m gonna barf! Go without me!

MOM: Are you sick or do you have anxiety?

KID: What’s angshitty?

MOM: When you’re nervous about something that hasn’t happened.

KID: I’m sick!

MOM: It’s totally normal to have anxiety! I used to barf before every one of my swim meets. I bet half the kids in the musical are nervous right now.

KID: I’m dying!

MOM: What if you picture everyone in their underwear?

KID: I don’t care!

MOM: You know, it’s ok if you mess up. Audiences think it’s hilarious when kids mess up. You’ll make people laugh!

KID: I don’t want to make people laugh!

Mom is running out of ideas and time.

MOM: You know what I realized that helped me with swimming? Nobody cared how I did. They just cared that I tried. So I told myself I’d just do the best I could, and that’s all I could do.

KID: I don’t want to do the best I can.

MOM: What if you just do the mediumest you can?

KID: The okayest?

MOM: Yes, perfect! Just get out there and give it your okayest!

KID: Fine.

**2.5 HOURS LATER**

Kid proceeds to nail her part and gets the show’s biggest laugh.

MOM: You were AWESOME!!! I’m so proud of you!!!

KID: I made everyone in the whole audience laugh!

Kid hops in car to go home, barfs everywhere. Kid had the stomach flu.

                                          FIN